Silent Battles: A Father’s Day Reflection

I have had the opportunity to listen to people share horrible experiences they had with their Fathers, sometimes it’s so bad that they do not ever wish to have anything to do with them anymore. I will not say I had a perfect relationship with mine, there were down moments, unpleasant memories and some experiences that left me questioning whether my father is really my father. The peak of it was when my brother and I went to speak to a priest to intervene. In our childhood minds, a father would never treat his own children the way we were treated, so we needed someone who could speak with our mother and have her show us who our real father was. We were disappointed to receive confirmation that he was truly our father and we had to live with this truth, painful as it seemed at the time.

What exactly was our father doing that made us resent him so much? He asked that we do the right thing according to him, he did not speak a lot of kind words to us, he shouted at us, he did not show a lot of empathy, he did not hold conversations with us, he would use the cane (most cases his leather belt or an electric cable) when we disobeyed him or misbehaved, I remember how he beat me mercilessly one day for losing my pencil in school. Another time, I was supposed to be cooking, I sat in front of the coal pot, book in hand, I was so engrossed with the suspense of the book I was reading that I did not realise the content of the cauldron was boiling over, all of a sudden, a slipper came flying and missed my face narrowly, it only hit the book I was holding and sent the book flying away. I am not even going to beat about the bush, simply put, my parents were strict, and on top of that, they were disciplinarians too, both of them!

Looking back now as an adult who has my own child now, a lot of the things are beginning to make sense to me, and for my parents especially my father, he had to be the head of the family, maintain peace and order in the family, and also make sure that none of us his children did anything to put a stain on the family name. I have no idea how difficult things might have been for my father, being the head of the family, making sure the family is running, trying to make sure that he brought us up according to the standards set by society, among other things. As children, the peak of all the things we experienced with my father was the fact that he used to drink a lot, most of the fathers we grew up seeing were not behaving differently from my father, the most evident difference between my father and other fathers was that he got drunk most of the time, which made many people look at us with the tag of being children of a drunkard. I am glad that I had the opportunity to work out our relationship before he passed away.

Father’s Day often conjures images of barbecues, ties, and cheesy greeting cards. But behind the smiles and “Happy Father’s Day” messages lies a quieter truth: many fathers fight silent battles—struggles with identity, emotions, and expectations that seldom get acknowledged. Society tells fathers to be strong, stoic, and unshakeable. Showing vulnerability or admitting overwhelm can feel like weakness. But statistics reveal the real cost. The result is that many men suffer in silence, masking their internal chaos while trying to remain the family’s emotional anchor. Some fathers may experience depression or anxiety rates strikingly similar to those of new mothers. Fathers do not receive a lot of mental health support and a lot of men do not feel supported by friends or family.

For some men, that pressure becomes unbearable. They may withdraw, emotionally or physically, leaving their loved ones confused, angry, or hurt. Research from Tanzania shows that overwhelmed fathers sometimes turn to unhealthy coping strategies, including alcohol and aggression, when support is missing. It turns out that women

are more likely to consult their mother or partner for emotional support than men, they bottle it up most of the time. This reflects cultural patterns of emotional silence, passed down through generations. Fatherhood isn’t just a new chapter, it can feel like stepping into a new identity without a roadmap. Many fathers lose a sense of freedom, spontaneity, and space to pursue personal goals. They may experience guilt for not living up to provider or protector roles, juggling breadwinning, childcare, and emotional labor. In a modern parenting landscape, fathers are also expected to be caregivers too, yet they often lack the emotional tools or peer networks to adjust especially in Ghana. It is therefore a perfect storm: high expectations, little support, and a tradition of emotional silence.

The fathers’ struggle in silence usually has a ripple effect on the people around them. Children can pick up on stress, emotional withdrawal, or disengagement. Some mothers may also face increased mental load trying to “fill in the blanks” created when the father is weighed down. This can also lead to a rise in tension in the home, and parent–child relationships may grow distant. I think this happened in our case with our relation to our father.
As we celebrate Father’s Day, let’s lift the silence a little, be gentle with your fathers, you don’t know everything they’re carrying. Offer empathy over criticism, instead of being hard on your fathers, offer words like “I can see

you’re trying really hard” can make a world of difference. Encourage Safe Conversations with your fathers, check in on your fathers, ask how they are doing, “How are you doing today, for real?” Invite conversation in low-pressure settings (a walk, during a game, over coffee), but most importantly, normalize vulnerability, let them know “It’s OK not to be OK.”

Forgive your father, if your father left because he probably felt overwhelmed, consider forgiveness, not for his sake, but for yours. Healing happens when compassion replaces resentment. If you’re a man reading this and feeling lost or alone, know this: speaking up isn’t weakness, it’s strength. Confide in a friend, counselor, or peer-support group. Share small moments of stress; vulnerability builds connection. Prioritize small acts of self-care: sleep, nature, hobbies, even five minutes count. Men’s emotional struggles persist partly because we don’t talk about them. But when we share, even small admissions of overwhelm, it shifts the narrative. It shows younger generations that vulnerability is OK, that seeking help is a sign of maturity, not weakness. Imagine a world where fathers said: “I’m feeling burned out this week; can we talk?” That statement, simple as it seems, holds the power to heal, guarding families and creating healthier emotional ecosystems.

We want to celebrate fathers every day, but sometimes their actions do not match the title of father, which makes it difficult for a lot of people to forgive their fathers talk less celebrate them. Try and open up, to make it easier for

us to appreciate you. To the fathers who held back tears, ignored their own pain, or left because life became too hard—this is for you. Know that forgiveness begins with empathy, and healing starts with a voice saying: “I see you. You’re not alone.” Happy Father’s Day—to the fathers still fighting, and to those who help them carry the load. If you are struggling to accept and forgive your father, maybe this is the time to let go, not just for him but to make peace for yourself. CHEERS!!!