Dreams Beyond Borders

Some time ago, I received a message from an acquaintance on Facebook asking me to call him urgently. He said he had been trying to reach me, but my number wasn’t going through. I agreed to a Facebook Messenger call, but he declined, saying this wasn’t a “Facebook conversation.” Curious, I gave him my WhatsApp number. I hadn’t heard from him for a long time, and I was eager to find out what the serious conversation was about. The first thing he said when I answered was, “So it’s true you left your husband in Ghana to pursue another degree? What is wrong with you? Do you know how many women would trade places to have a man and a family? You just want to leave all of that for some degree? What exactly are you looking for in this life?”

I was confused. I wasn’t sure where the conversation was headed. Before I could respond, he continued, “If no one is bold enough to tell you, I will. I’m saying this because I like you and don’t want you to lose your husband and your home. How do you expect your husband to cope in your absence? He is a man and has needs. You can’t leave a man for that long. You’re giving him reasons to replace you.” Ah, now the conversation made sense. So I asked him a simple question: “What guarantee do I have that if I don’t pursue my dreams and stay at home with my husband, he won’t still replace me?” He had no answer.

I asked him another question: “Do you think you care about my husband, daughter, or family more than I do?”

He remained silent. I ended the call, unwilling to engage further because it was clear there was nothing productive to discuss. This was not the first time someone had questioned my decision to leave Ghana to pursue further studies while married. In the minds of many, a woman’s place is still firmly tied to her kitchen, her marriage, and her maternal duties. That is where she is expected to find fulfillment, that is the end of her roadmap.

But I respectfully disagree. Like many African women, I have dreams that extend beyond the walls of my home. I am proudly married, and I deeply value my family. However, I also prioritize my growth, intellectual, professional, and personal development. Why should I be forced to choose one over the other? An African proverb says, “Wisdom is like a baobab tree; no one individual can embrace it.” This means that growth, whether emotional, spiritual, or intellectual, is not a solitary journey, nor should it be limited by gender roles.

Personal Growth Is Not an Act of Rebellion

When a woman pursues personal development, it is not an act of rebellion. It is not a declaration of war against her

marriage or culture; rather, it is an affirmation of her value. During my gender and development studies at the University of Education, Winneba (UEW), one key lesson that stayed with me was that women who attain higher education are better equipped to raise responsible, self-aware children. They make informed decisions for their families, contribute economically and socially, and inspire their communities. You cannot pour from an empty cup, a fulfilled woman is better positioned to nurture her home. Self-development should never be mistaken for abandonment.

In Ghana, many still believe that women are only suited to be wives and mothers and should not seek growth beyond those roles. However, I have witnessed women who choose to remain in the shadows, suppressing their dreams to stay in their marriages, only to be betrayed, ignored, or unappreciated. Staying at home is no guarantee of security, and pursuing your dreams is not a threat to anything. As the saying goes, woman is like a calabash; she may seem fragile, but she holds water strong enough to quench a village’s thirst. We carry so much, yet the world consistently underestimates our capabilities.

There Is No Competition.

Let me be clear: this is not a conflict between marriage and career. This is not a post meant to pit husbands against dreams. In fact, I firmly believe there should be no competition between being a wife and being a woman who is actively developing herself. I am both. I can be both. I will be both. A supportive marriage should never demand the sacrifice of self. I am grateful to have a partner who understands that empowering one another is a shared goal. However, I know many women are not that fortunate, and that’s where we must begin to change the narrative. Society often suggests that when a woman rises, the home must fall. But that is a false dichotomy. “When the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” An empowered woman does not threaten her family; she strengthens it. Her personal development is an investment in the future of the household. I know the sleepless nights of studying, the cultural whispers, and the guilt that comes with leaving your child behind for a better future. I’ve lived it. But I also know the power of clarity and the confidence that comes from pursuing something bigger than yourself.

Examples That Inspire

There are women whose lives beautifully defy the false choice between home and career.

Look at Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, the Director-General of the World Trade Organization. She has been married for over four decades and has raised four children, all while building a groundbreaking career in global finance and economics. Her family remains central to her story. Then there is Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, the former president of Liberia, who shattered global glass ceilings while staying deeply connected to her roles as a mother and grandmother. Her resilience continues to inspire women to believe in the possibility of a balanced and impactful life.

In Ghana, Professor Naana Jane Opoku-Agyemang, the country’s first female Vice-Chancellor and a former Education Minister, is also a mother and wife. She has often spoken about how her family’s support was instrumental in her journey and how being a wife and mother never conflicted with her aspirations. Otiko Afisa Djaba, a former Minister for Gender, Children, and Social Protection in Ghana, is another bold example of a woman who has balanced public leadership with strong advocacy for women’s empowerment and family values. Even in the entertainment and creative industries, women like Omotola Jalade Ekeinde and Joselyn Dumas have demonstrated what it means to balance public careers with private family life. I could continue listing successful career women who manage both their professional and family lives. These women and many others remind us that marriage and ambition are not mutually exclusive. They are living proof that a woman can thrive in both roles when supported and determined.

Encouraging Other Women

To the woman reading this who has dreams buried beneath family obligations: please hear me when I say it is not too late. You don’t have to choose between your dreams and your home. You don’t have to apologize for wanting more. Yes, some may say, “You’ve changed.” But isn’t that the essence of growth? To the wives who silently long to return to school, learn a trade, or start a business: your dreams are valid. You are not selfish for wanting to evolve. You are not neglecting your family by building yourself. You are preparing a better life for them. And to the men reading this: support your wives, sisters, and daughters. Encourage them to chase their dreams. Your role is not diminished by their rise; in fact, it is magnified.

Final Thoughts

I am a wife. I am a mother. I am also a student, a researcher, a dreamer, a planner, and many other things. I believe I don’t need to choose just one role to excel in, I can thrive in all of them. To anyone who still thinks a woman must choose between her home and her dreams, I leave you with a Ghanaian proverb: “If you educate a man, you educate an individual. If you educate a woman, you educate a nation.” We are not leaving our homes behind; we are carrying them with us into boardrooms, classrooms, studios, and beyond. We are planting seeds that our daughters and sons will one day reap. Don’t ask us why we are chasing our dreams—ask us how you can help us fly. In all of this, remember to dream beyond your borders, whether you are a man or a woman! Cheers!